Opinion

Letters to My Younger Self: Things I Wish I Had Known as an Underclassman

Tabitha Obuchowski, Assistant Editor

September 17, 2025

When navigating life feels difficult, look to others around you, but most importantly, to yourself.

I am an athlete, an actor, a musician, a student, a writer, a club participant, and so much more.

When I began my high school career, I had the intention of following in my high-achieving sister’s footsteps to take as many advanced courses as possible, maximize my extracurriculars, and find one best friend that would become my companion for life.

Fortunately, most aspects of my life have unfolded differently than I could have even fathomed at that time. I have grown, struggled, and managed to identify some philosophies that are important to my character.

That is not to say that I never falter or fall short of the advice I give, but I want to share what I have learned: lessons that I think are applicable for any stage of life, but especially in the first years of high school, where a teenager learns how to interact with others, understand themselves, prepare for their future, and navigate the world.

So, here is a list of things I wish I had known as I entered high school, but I am glad I had the experiences to discover them for myself.

Trust Yourself and Take Up Space

Make mistakes, learn, and try new things

It is better to fail or disappoint someone and grow from it than to never do something and miss out on an experience.

Each experience is just data about who you are and what works for you.

Through failure, you know yourself better based on how you reacted to that particular experience. This newfound information can be applied to the next time you have to make a decision.

Try things, but commit yourself to what you truly love. You will have to make sacrifices and difficult decisions, but in turn, you will feel more fulfilled if you can dedicate yourself to one cause and be fully immersed in it than if you are stretched too thin and your passions become chores.

Your perspective matters, so don’t silence yourself

It can be scary to be heard, but your perspective is too important to be silenced.

I used to self-censor, afraid of burdening others with the reaction they might have, the stress it would cause our relationship, and the negative impact it might have on me, so I decided never to give them the opportunity to perceive myself and my feelings.

But that is the beauty of conversation: they have the freedom to react in a way that can’t be foreseen. So don’t let overthinking and creating false scenarios deter you from sharing.

Let people react how they will, and don’t stop yourself from doing something because someone could react unfavorably. Maybe they won’t, and regardless if they do, it is not your responsibility to help them regulate their emotions and actions.

Authentic expression reveals true connections

If people know more about you, then they have more to judge, right? But it also means that you are more seen, and you can find people who truly align with what is important to you.

There will be people who disapprove of what you have to say, and that is okay. If expressing yourself authentically ruins a connection or friendship, then there was never a true connection to begin with.

Regardless of others, share yourself with the world because it is necessary. You are a unique person, with unique thoughts and perspectives to share, and others will be made better because of your contributions.

Navigate Relationships With Intention

Communicate openly instead of withdrawing

People cannot help you unless they know that you are struggling. You are not a burden to other people — believe it or not, they want to spend time with you if they are your friends, and it is not transactional.

Being overwhelmed isn’t a badge of honor, and although we have been conditioned by “hustle” society to try and take on as much as we can, be kind to yourself.

This means to ask for support from your family and make real connections with teachers. It may not always feel like it, but they want you to succeed, and if you ask for help, they will often provide it.

Send that message asking for an extension. Ask an unfamiliar classmate about their weekend and genuinely be interested in the answer.

Lastly, ask for help before desperation hits.

I realized my breaking point only because I had surpassed it. I stretched myself too thin, acted like I had everything together, and did not accept help.

Here, I lost motivation, exhausted my energy, and forgot joy. But it was in that pit that I found my support systems — my parents, friends, sister, teachers, therapist, counselor and so many more — all because I reached out and made the effort to share my life with them.

Take relationships for what they are, not what you expect them to be

It is easy to spend time away from a friend and make up stories about how they volunteer so they are a fantastic person, or they text you in a voice that seems super enthusiastic, so they must really like you.

And these things may be true, but also be aware that you could be creating a false perception of who they are and how they really treat you.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t trust your friends, but be realistic about your interactions so that you will not be surprised if something changes.

Sometimes release comes from within, not from others

I had recently fallen out of a friendship, not wanting to be a burden on them while I was working through obstacles. Looking back, it was unfair of me to decide that for them. In reality, I wasn’t protecting them, I was protecting myself from being seen as a person who is different from my ideal projection.

I felt the overwhelming need to talk to them, to tell them that I had grown, and that I wished I had kept them in my life and opened up to them. But looking at where they were, it was evident that they had used the distance to find their passions, and that they were on a growth trajectory that did not need me in it.

Telling them that I had changed and that I didn’t just hurt them for no reason might have made me feel better. But that was already a fact that I had discovered for myself, so why would I need them to react? They did not need an apology, and we were not trying to rebuild the relationship.

It was in that instance that I learned it is better to be considerate, and that sometimes we need release, but that can often be found by ourselves.

Balance Seriousness: Light on Yourself, Firm on Values

Laugh at mistakes, don't catastrophize, and when real conflict arises, lead with empathy

Don't take yourself too seriously, but take your values seriously.

You can laugh at yourself — be soft with your flaws and do not treat every little mistake or obstacle like it is the end of the world.

But when real conflict shows up — when there’s tension or disagreement — it’s not something to brush off.

That’s when it matters to lead with empathy, to think about how you can stay true to what you believe without turning it into a battle. You don’t have to compromise your values, but you can choose to express them in a way that leaves space for the other person’s dignity, too.

Disagreeing with kindness isn’t fake — it’s one of the most real things you can do. Because in the end, it’s not about avoiding arguments altogether — it’s about learning to express both courage and compassion alongside conflict. However, that is also to say that understanding the feelings and motive behind someone’s actions doesn’t excuse their harmful behavior.

Embrace Growth and Let Go

Don’t fear change just because it's new

Throughout high school, your friend groups will be constantly shifting. People grow at different rates and in separate directions, which inevitably means that you will not retain many of those relationships, so let go when it is necessary.

However, if you believe it is worthwhile, do not be afraid to talk through why you believe preserving the connection is important with the other person, making sure it is in the best interest of you both.

Endings are bitter, but they are sometimes necessary. It is better to let that person find others like them than to force friendships because of past memories.

Don’t be afraid to let go of things. You could have loved a hobby, or group of people, or subject when you were a freshman, but throughout high school, you will grow. Accept it. Don’t be afraid of change just because it is new.

Live in the present

Don’t expect the future to be better — enjoy the present how you can. Too many high school students get caught up in waiting to be proactive because it is never a “good time.”

“I just need to make it to the weekend,” “summer will be better,” or “I just need to make it to graduation,” because many believe that it'll get easier to manage life by then. In reality, there will always be a struggle to fight.

But this should not be discouraging; it can be used as an opportunity to enjoy the small joys in the present.

By paying more attention to the smaller things that bring us happiness — like having your favorite food for dinner, your dog losing a tooth, or your favorite artist releasing new music — the quality of your life will improve because there is more room to recognize the good.

Comparison steals joy: focus on your own journey

I have felt threatened by the accomplishments of others, and reflecting, felt bad about my own achievements. But an important lesson I have learned is that just because one person succeeds, it doesn't mean you fail. Just because another person receives a compliment, that does not mean you have been insulted.

Celebrate the achievements of others, and it will actually improve your own self-esteem as you practice recognizing smaller wins.

As a society, we often prioritize certain things, looking at them as more prestigious than others. For example, I may be insecure about the fact that I am in theater instead of playing a sport, but that insecurity is because I am judging the extracurricular off of what is seen as popular.

If my favorite fruit is blueberry and I judge it based on size next to a pineapple, it will appear inferior. But if the scale shifts to pie-filling usability all of a sudden, it appears superior.

It’s important to recognize the scale of which we judge things when they feel inferior. Often, one aspect only looks more impressive because the scale you are using to judge is not meant for it.

You’re becoming who you are every day — pay attention

Prioritize your fun. Former counselor Mr. Kevin Doyle told me, “fill your cup,” which basically just means to indulge in things that fulfill you. I have found this advice incredibly important in my own journey with productivity.

A person’s soul is so much more than your high school grades, which are a miniscule blip in your life story, so prioritize building a relationship with yourself because it is the only relationship that will be forever constant.

Your mental health exists with you during your entire life, so take care of it and allow breaks for joy.

Self-care means finding things that you are passionate about and make you feel good about yourself, and then going out and actively doing them.

A break can be drawing, playing a sport, taking a bath, baking — doing whatever you enjoy that can be done without pressure. It can feel silly, like printing out a coloring page and using crayons, but whatever helps you find release can’t be silly as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others and it helps you feel alive.

Embrace silence, be present with yourself and your thoughts, and most importantly, reflect on who you are and who you want to become, then aim to move in that direction.

Show up for yourself and for others. This looks different for each individual, but the bottom line is to stay true to your morals and character — in how you carry yourself, what you say, and in your actions — and be considerate that this is everyone’s first time living.

We are all on our own journeys with interwoven paths, so if it’s possible to help another person without compromising yourself, why not do it?

Remember that high school is not just practice — it’s a critical part of your life, and you are living it every day. You not only study literature and perform algebra, you are becoming informed on who you are and who you want to become. Trust yourself, and trust the process: every challenge presents a new opportunity for development.

The person you’re becoming matters more than any transcript you will earn in your life. So pay attention to yourself and to others. Embrace the journey, be kind, and never forget that you have something unique and valuable to offer the world.

About the Contributor

Tabitha Obuchowski, Editor

Senior Tabitha Obuchowski lives in Happy Valley and came to La Salle following her sister’s path. Before La Salle, Tabitha attended El Puente Elementary, a Spanish immersion school in Milwaukie and then Christ the King for middle school to be close to La Salle. Music is very important to Tabitha as she is always open to a new genre or artist recommendation. Her interest in music started when her mom signed Tabitha up for piano lessons at three years old, and was cultivated by time spent listening to rock records with her dad, and many car rides jamming to indie music with her sister. Not only is Tabitha the editor of the Athlete of The Week section, but you can also find her active in several communities at La Salle. She is involved in the arts as a member of the theater community, choir, and participates in the AAPI club. She has also played on the varsity volleyball team for the two past years. Tabitha enjoys exploring nature, having visited 21 national parks with her family. She hopes to continue the path of creativity, possibly pursuing a career in theater arts or psychology because she is interested in learning about and understanding people.

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Letters to My Younger Self: Things I Wish I Had Known as an Underclassman

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