Gender Socialization

We have all been raised in a binary culture where our sex determines how we operate within and relate to the people and communities around us. And thus, as we grow up, we learn how to behave from the people around us. 

As we have grown up as little boys and girls, there has existed a compulsive association of traits as they are assigned to each gender and its accompanying roles. These traits are noticed, valued, and praised by the people around us; they are the first ways in which we are ‘seen’ by others — they become intrinsic to our identity, our sense of self.

Boys are first praised for being fast and strong, whereas the physical appearance of girls — especially how thin we are, how desirable our shape appears, whether or not our body has the right curves, or even the symmetry of our face — as well as our ability to be accommodating and helpful are the traits held and praised most highly. 

The way in which our gender was identified as a child also shaped the ways in which we were taught to interact with our peers and the world. This binary socialization teaches us the acceptable way to exist in this world.

If you were born as a female, then you most likely grew up in a culture that praised the practices and habits that ingrained in us an instinct to a more passive nature, in which empathy was the expected response to conflict.

If you were born as a male, then there is no predisposed pressure from your surrounding culture to make yourself small to accommodate the people around you, because of the way in which the masculine side of the binary is inherently more powerful.

There is no ‘correct’ way to be either masculine or feminine, yet our society is telling us otherwise. 

It is the unfortunate truth that when boys are being raised, our patriarchal society is telling them to vehemently reject femininity in all its forms, that it is weakness. Thus, this creates space for men to resent or fear women, as our femininity is seen as a threat in proximity to their masculinity. 

Additionally, this also creates a more narrow perspective of women — as men are taught to reject the genuine interest in things, actions, and activities that are associated with femininity — which takes away a facet of our personhood, leaving our physical appearance and sexuality in a state much more vulnerable to both the criticism and appeal of men.

To be clear, this is not the fault of any individual, but a byproduct of a centuries long tradition of berating women and the binary traits of femininity that accompany our existence.

Instead of all being raised as people, we’ve been raised as boys and girls — a categorical separation from the moment we entered this world — and we’ve grown up on an ideology that separates our worth as human beings based on these innate differences.

It sounds abstract when consolidated into a nutshell, but these descriptions highlight the fundamental differences between the experiences of men and women as we attempt to coexist in the same world.

The way that we are introduced to the world, and the things we are noticed, seen, and praised for shape which areas of life we connect with our identities.

Who gets a seat at the table? Who is speaking and who is listening? Who adapts? Who empathizes? 

Who is being impacted the most by this?