Accountability and Enabling the Cycle

Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

It has been proven time and time again within our society that change is possible, but requires a holistic effort in order to do so.

With the acceptance and perpetuation of gender roles, stereotypes, and Bro Culture, comes the inherent enabling of a cyclically harmful pattern of women’s oppression.

When a blind eye is turned or a double standard enacted, it continues the centuries-long tradition of placing the existence of men above women and perpetuates the ideology of how a woman should exist. 

I know that it sounds extreme, but in reality the repetitive instances of not holding men and boys accountable for their actions is like death by a thousand cuts. 

When I’m present to these instances, it makes me feel small. It reminds me that the people and world around me view my presence as second to men. It subconsciously reminds me and others of the gaping inherent and systemic difference in power between men and women.

These instances are small and quick. They go unacknowledged among a group of friends. They aren’t questioned, confronted, or even seen by bystanding adults. 

The lack of confrontation from any individual when these instances occur only enables and validates the actions of men. 

It is a direct result of how we have all been socialized. Women have been desensitized to instances of misogyny due to its abundance in our lifetime. This leads to a lack of motivation to address the issue and men aren’t phased because it flies above their emotional capacity to relate to and empathize with women.

From our male peers, it often comes in the form of belittling our thoughts, feelings, and opinions. As discussed above, it typically is in the form of jokes from male friends or overheard conversations in the hall, but it is not the degree of harm that’s the biggest problem — it’s the existence of these quips and comments that instill a reassertion of power.

I’ve observed instances of double standards here at La Salle, most often during sporting events. I’ve spectated many of these games, choosing to watch from the student section among my friends and peers. I wouldn’t trade the memories from this point of view for anything. Our student section’s dedication cannot be questioned, and the energy at high-stakes games is unmatched.

That being said, it is disheartening to witness sexist double standards in a setting of unity. It seems to be a repeated theme that girls are held to different expectations than boys when it comes to cheering from the stands. When boys repeatedly name-call or heckle at referees or opposing players, the threshold for how far they’re allowed to take it seems like a stark contrast compared to if a girl were to do the same thing. 

If a girl were to make a loud, direct comment at a referee or player, I’ve noticed that surrounding adults seem to respond with more criticism and disappointment than if a boy were to say or do the exact same thing. In the latter situation, a boy is met with a shake of the head, perhaps a chuckle, and a soft warning. 

Do you see the difference here? 

It is disappointment versus disapproval.

We are being held to different behavioral standards on the basis of our gender. 

The difference in response lies within the deeper patriarchal system that we are all too comfortable with.

Ignoring the misogynistic patterns of double standards, and accepting — and thus, enabling —  the damaging nature of  “boys being boys” is a small, small act. Yet each time a snide comment is made without a confrontation, it sends the message to girls and women that our existence is thought of as less than.

In Emma Pitman’s article titled “Ironic Sexism: The Male Gaze in Hipster Spaces” from a literary journal aimed at highlighting the voices and art from people on the margins of society; she discusses the areas in which she has found sexism in her daily life:

“It occurs in spaces and circles that I have ventured to expect more from. It rears its head during some otherwise enjoyable banter. It functions to remind me of the sexism I experience unironically. It asks me to laugh with it, and alienates me if I don’t, leaving me disappointed to the point of wondering if my optimism is a mistake; a naiveté I can’t afford.”

Don’t think that this doesn’t apply to you. Nobody is the exception to this problem.

It is a societal curse that needs to be broken. We all coexist with one another, so we all have a part to play in reconstructing our culture.

I can tell you from my own experience; we feel the comments made behind our backs, or directly to our face that solicit no outward reaction.

No matter the magnitude of individual instances of sexism or double standards, one theme remains true: every act of a man belittling a woman creates space for repetition. 

No act is isolated.

So long as we coexist, all actions remain interconnected. 

The joke isn’t harmless and it is a big deal.

Reflect. Speak up.