Heart racing, pepper spray clenched between the knuckles of my hands, and the rapid pacing of my eyes checking my surroundings as I speed walk to my car in the parking lot before it gets too dark. As I open the car door, I look all around me to make sure nobody has access to get in and then I check to see if my back seats are vacant before locking up. 

I wish that I didn’t have to do this, but it is something that all women have faced at one point or another.

I have friends and family members who have been followed while walking or driving. As I’ve grown older, I have realized the importance of always being aware and that you can simply trust nobody when you are on your own. 

It shouldn’t be like this though. Women shouldn’t have to worry about being followed home or feeling unsafe. Nobody should. 

A survey published in 2010 stated that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States have experienced sexual violence. 

According to a study by the U.S. Department of Justice, 99% of offenders in single-victim incidents are male. Sexual assault is largely committed by men and my hope is that young men in our community can become part of a larger solution. This starts with looking out for the women in your life.

It’s crucial to help women feel supported and safe when you see unusual or suspicious activity such as women being followed, bothered, or talked to in an inappropriate manner. The list goes on. 

We need people in our community who will speak up when they see women being directly approached or bothered by men. We need people who will stand up for the derogatory comments directed toward a woman and behind their backs. Standing up for women and calling people out when inciting violence or disrespect creates a safer, more respectful environment for women. Boundaries deserve to be respected. 

How many women in your life do you know that get scared while walking home? 50% of women say they always or often feel unsafe walking alone at night. 

So, what can men do to help keep women safe?

For Sarah Everard, she tried everything. She chose well-lit streets to walk on, had her boyfriend on the phone, and wore bright clothing, yet she still didn’t make it home. 

One of the biggest things men can do to keep women safe and to lessen anxiety is to keep your distance and not follow women too closely. Even when it’s unintentional, following a woman too closely can give off the wrong impression and can instill an instant fight or flight response for many women. Instead, keep your distance or cross the street. 

If a woman is walking towards you, let her stay in her path and get out of her way rather than making her move. I consciously walk in the safest part of the path with access to light/exits and so many times a man has forced me to walk between him and a wall.

— Julie (Mae) Cohen (@julie_cohen) March 10, 2021

Never walk silently behind a woman. Try to make obvious noise so you can let them know they are not being snuck up on.

No matter the distance, offer to walk your friends home and ask what else you can do to help them feel safe. It may seem like a small gesture, but it can make a big difference in the safety of your friend and can be meaningful. 

Speak up and be on high alert. If you see a woman that appears uncomfortable, offer help, alert security, or pretend that you know her to pull her away from the situation. 

Listen to your friends. This is one of the most powerful things you can do. Your friends can offer you advice and input on what helps them feel safe so you can support them.

Truly listening to women in your life who have experienced sexual assault, sexual harassment, or discomfort about their experiences is vital. 

A recent study from UN Women found that over 70% of young women in the United Kingdom have experienced sexual harassment. Whether their story has been told or not, it’s important we listen to women and make them feel safe. 

I am tired of being scared to walk alone at night. I am tired of the fear that exists when my hands are gripping a can of pepper spray. These feelings of terror need to go away and the change can start with young men. 

It’s time to end this.